Commencement

Today, I delivered a commencement speech for public speaking. It was due second block, so naturally it was written during first. Here goes nothing:

South Brunswick Class of 2013, it is a very very rare occasion that I see all 685 of you at a school related event. But today, for the first time in four years, I am 95% confident that we have at least 95% attendance. Shout out to those who didn't come to school the day after prom, owe the school monetary funds, or were recently inducted into the class of 2014. To the latter, I'd like to wish you a super super senior year. But alas, I digress. Today, I stand before you as your senior class historian. And as historian, I have successfully captured a true portrayal of our senior year. It's a nice photoset of people sleeping during class, using their phones during class, watching Netflix during class, and the occasional hook up in F stairs...during class. Congratulations for putting the "F" in F stairs (HEHEHE). Other shining and defining moments happen outside of the classroom. Take national free pancake day, for example, when around 300 of us showed up late to school. What an impressive and unifying feat! And those random twitter fights against Arvin Smitherines...Wow! Even more unifying! As for the other experiences we've had this year, review, reflect, and learn. And during this process, do not forget our lovely school, where people are written up for twerking on the gymnasium wall. Where "wow pissd" has become a part of every day speak. Where Asians, specifically of the brown variety, party just as much as the white people. Ultimately, we've come a long way and grown mentally, emotionally, and physically. Just look at how Chris's arms fil out that baseball tee--mmm tasty. But as for now, its time to get out and leave. Congratulations again class of 2013! Remember to eat, pray, love, live long, prosper, and most importantly, valhalla at me. Thank you. 

So clearly, this assignment was one big joke. It's poorly written, extremely sarcastic, somewhat inappropriate, and a bit insulting. But I think it also sheds some light on my senior year and the graduating class--we're all a bunch of trolls and I wouldn't have it any other way.   

Movie of the Month:

Rollercoaster Waves

As of late, my high school experience has been defined by ups, downs, twists, turns, and those unexpected loops that tie knots in your stomach. It's exciting, scary, and thrilling all at the same time. And I think that the desire to stay on this ride is very "senior-esque" for lack of a better word.

Going into my senior year, I fantasized about a time in which I would have fun with friends, fall in love, get a job, and stop giving two fucks about school. And now here I am, a few F's, two jobs, and one heartbreak later...and I'm still struggling to find a conclusion to my SBHS career. 

And the thing is, it's all coming to an end. What else can I do besides wait out the inevitable? In two months, I graduate and all of these trivial matters will be subject to my past. And I'll be shoved onto an even more exciting, more scary, and more thrilling roller coaster.

Walls and Other Things

Hello blogger,
It's been a while. Two months to be exact. And in our short time apart, I've drawn a few conclusions and learned a lot about myself.

• First and foremost, I avoid confrontation. It's in my nature to take things easy and adapt to new situations. This is something I love and hate about myself. For one, I'm able to let go of the trivial and trite drama, and focus on what I think really matters. But at the same time, I feel like I only let go of things on the surface, never reaching a complete internal resolution. And so, the passions and the emotions remain idle, boiling under a facade (or illusion?) of acceptance. This could last days, weeks, months, and even years and I'm not okay with that. 
• I'm afraid of being idle. When my schedule is not filled with plans and tasks, I find myself spending way too much time thinking. And as more time passes, thinking turns into over-thinking which later turns into over-analyzing. 
• My biggest fear occurs when you combine both the former and the latter--when idleness pushes me to confront my deepest and darkest feelings. The product of this combination? Silly little blog posts like this! 
• I strive for an "idgaf" attitude when in reality, I do indeed give a fuck. I'm not numb and I'm not indifferent, but I'd rather present a lie than appear vulnerable.
• In such pursuits, I've started listening to Ribbed Music for the Numb Generation. It's sounds like something you would find in a burlesque club or a forever 21. Regardless, it's upbeat, unattached and exactly what I need right now. 

xoxo, 

Karen 

Searching for someone who can do the following:

attract me. 

distract me. 

inspire me. 

desire me. 

RomCom Blues

I've said this before and I'll say it again. If my life were a romantic comedy, I'd have a supporting role at best. Or maybe a lengthy cameo appearance. But alas, nothing more.

Generally, I find it oh so trivial to complain about my encounters with love (or lack thereof). I know I am young and I know I have an entire life ahead of me. I know that high school is not an indication of my future. I know that my selection of boys is limited not only by personal preference but also by geography/exposure. And even though I "know" all of this, I cannot whole-heartedly accept it. I guess you could say I've longed for that quintessential high school relationship. Or even something simpler... a "thing" for lack of a better word. The entire concept of mutual attraction is something so foreign to me, so out of this galaxy. You can call me overly dramatic, but I refuse to be labeled as a "forever alone" teenage blogger. That is not the intention of this post.

Simply put, I am writing out of frustration. The feelings I harbor toy with my thoughts and play with my emotions. How can so much heartache spur from nothing?

The Fault of The Feeling

Every English essay this year has called upon the philosopher living within the walls of my cranium. It's definitely strays from the conventional curriculum. Unlike previous years, I've been forced to contemplate topics such as truth, perception, reality, and illusion in the context of my reading. While last night's essay was a struggle to push through, I turned out some pretty deep shit (for lack of a better phrase). Here are a few snippets:

• As human beings, we are slaves to our mental states and the subsequent biological reactions. Our emotions not only dictate how we act but also how we perceive. The greatest fallacy in our condition rests in the tendency to substitute our feelings for reason and logic. And too often, we allow ourselves to be consumed by this substitution.
• ...
  sacrifices truth and reason for the essence of intimacy and passion.  
• Blanche is confined by her circumstances only because she feels confined by her circumstances. Instead of actively seeking socioeconomic successes, she puts on a show for herself and for her peers. Blanche’s inability to overcome her trauma and heartache highlights the fatal flaw of emotion—when we cannot cope, we cannot live.

I really wish I wrote more this year. Maybe I'll add that to my growing list of New Years Resolutions.