Karen's Communist Manifesto

In the days leading up to the dreaded November 1st deadline, I've been more consumed with my past. I know this is a time where I should really be focusing on my future, but the entire college application process has forced me to acknowledge who I am and who I was.

Lately, I've been thinking more and more about about the thirteen years I spent living in Summerfield. I was young and my days were simple. During the summer, I would gather the neighborhood kids and we'd construct entire cities and towns. Out of our imaginations spewed our own little chalkzone. Only now am I realizing that these towns were in fact communist regimes controlled by me, myself, and I. Being significantly older than the other kiddies, I spearheaded the entire "town construction", delegating where everyone lived, where they worked, and what they produced/sold. My reign extended into the winter months when the weather brought a mountain of snow to the cul-de-sac inner circle. When this would happen, I'd call the kiddies and we'd construct another town.

The process was never ending until I grew up and my "kiddies" followed suit.

(counter)productivity

I haven't done anything productive in the past two days. I could even argue that my mini marathons of Honey Boo-Boo, Breaking Amish, and America's Next Top Model are counterproductive to my development as a human-being. It's this sort of mindless television that weakens the sharpness of our minds and our acuity. But the thing is, I feel like watching TV keeps me sane.

Even when I was little, I hated showing weakness and emotion. If something irritated me and made me want to cry, I would only do so in the comfort of isolation. Usually I'd escape to my closet, and let it all out there. After about thirty seconds of gross uncontrollable emotion, I'd begin to seek ways of suppressing all those feels. This involved me flipping through the channels and finding something to capture my attention. Watching TV let me pause all the little things that caused me stress and heartache, and enter the world of Lizzie Mcguire or That's so Raven. So when these programs came to a close, the emotions would fade and I'd be able to tackle my problems rationally.

The point is, I'm not sure if I'm subconsciously turning to TV because I'm having issues with life. I guess I'll figure it out this week and get back to you.

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH

It's rare that I'm ever faced with a high school essay that makes me think. Sure, english teachers have asked me to analyze some pretty obscure symbols..but doing so hasn't actually changed how I perceive my own surroundings. The whole process has become of a matter of me identifying different "literary elements" and spewing out some BS about the author's intent. While I've become a pretty good BS-er, I feel like school (primarily English) should have more depth. For that reason, I'm glad that my current english teacher is willing to defy this whole system. 

Unlike previous years, my 2012 summer reading essay called for an understanding of the text in relation to the real world. In three simple words, he asked us "What is Truth"? 

To this I'll provide a little snippet of my essay,  

In the simplest of terms, truth is the absence of a lie—a false construct brought into existence by the human race. Although intangible and abstract, both the former and the latter aid man in his quest to understand the world around him. When confronted with theory, philosophy, news, or hearsay, man employs both terms to define what he perceives as valid. Throughout this process, the definition of truth develops into an absolute reality untarnished by fiction and falsehood. The fallacy of this procedure, however, rests in the subjective nature of truth and lies. Often, the line between what man defines as “truth” and what man distinguishes as “truth” appears blurred and unclear. It becomes evident that “truth” itself is simply perception, often corrupted by authority figures and human limitations.

Though it's definitely not my best work, I like the amount of thought I put into creating this idea. For that, it gets a little section on my personal blog that no one but Stephanie reads (woohoo)!

Insignificant

I'm at a crossroads between doing nothing and being nothing 

My life for the past two days has been a mesh of

-existing 

-helping plants photosynthesize 

Food for thought:

To pursue individuality is to lose oneself 

Plato came to me in a dream last night and gave me the skills to throw some philosophical words/ideas together. I'll keep thinking, and get back to you with some more when I can put my thoughts into words.

Surprises

In the process of adjusting to my senior year, I have left the blogging sphere! But don't you worry! I am back! ...with lots of exclamation points, apparently!

Anyway, I guess there's really not much to say other than the fact that I am a SENIOR. Emphasis on SENIOR, if you didn't catch that. This title, in itself, is still pretty hard for me to grasp...just thinking about it makes my hair stand up and grow into a lion's mane.

Time has caught me off guard and I'm not sure whether to be surprised, excited, nervous, or anxious. It has come to the point where I am confused about my own confusion, I'm trying to not get caught up in my feelings but it's hard not to.

I'll try and get back to work eventually...
Karen